i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
