What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
