God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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