I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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