two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
