Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
