Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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