Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
nutella sex= disaster
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
