y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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