i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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