Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
