that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
