honey bunches of taint.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
