I am midnight drunk by noon
the day after is always just damage control
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
