I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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