If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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