how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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