i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
