its not stalking. its research.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
