Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
