I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
