I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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