don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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