he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
