Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Panties = found
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
