im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
