Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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