when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
