I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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