I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
