I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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