He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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