yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
