I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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