He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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