I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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