She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
