its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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