Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
