Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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