We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
