My hand turned me down
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
