i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
