He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
