please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
