I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
