omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
