I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
