my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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