Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
