The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
