I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
