I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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