Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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