i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sext me about skeletons
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
