rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
