I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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